"Well You Did it When You Were My Age!"

"Well you did it when you were my age."  If you have teenagers, no doubt you have heard these words.  Unfortunately, the sins of our past seem to revisit us when our kids hit the teenage years.  I've talked to a lot of parents who try to hide their past from their kids, or lie about what they really did and did not do.  I believe honesty is the best policy.  If you are a Christian now, you have a great testimony to share.  Talk to your teenager about the mistakes you made before Christ was truly Lord of your life.  Instead of trying to pretend you had a squeaky clean past, just be honest and talk about the negative consequences of some of your past decisions.  Tell them why you wish you had made other choices.  I've heard too many parents watch their teenagers make mistakes and say, "Oh well, what can I say, I did the same thing."  Part of parenting is helping your kids avoid the same mistakes you made.  Keep it real with your kids.  They will appreciate your honesty and will be better off because of it.

Stupid Talk from Dads

From time to time I hear dads say, "My kids are young, so I'll leave them to my wife for now.  When they are 12 or so, I'll get more involved."  This could be the dumbest statement I've ever heard.  If you think you can have minimal interaction with your kids while they are young and then step in and be a hero when they are 12, you are smoking some serious stuff.  If you try this, don't be surprised when your kid wants nothing to do with you.  You can't reject a kid for 10 to 12 years and think they are going to be all excited about you getting involved all of a sudden.  If you want a good relationship with your kids when they are 12, then you better start now.  Invest serious time with each of your children and take an interest in what they are interested in.  I often hear people say, "It's not the quantity, but the quality of time I spend with my kids that counts."  Yet again, stupid talk.  You will never have the quality if you don't have the quantity.  The quality times arise because a dad is spending a good quantity of time with his kids.  So if you are one of those dads that thinks he'll wait until the kids are older and you have no interest in changing, return your fathering card because you have no business being a dad.  Or, you can swallow some pride and start participating in the lives of your kids now and be way ahead of the game when they are 12.  I pray you choose right.

Fallen from Grace

Wow.  What a month it has been for falling role models.  In just the span of a few weeks, my kids were disappointed to hear Michael Phelps, Chris Brown and Alex Rodriquez all did things that tarnished their careers.  If you followed the news, singer Chris Brown beat up his girlfriend.  Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was caught smoking pot.  And baseball great ARod admitted to taking steroids earlier in his career.  Even though my kids were disappointed, it was a great opportunity to talk to them about being a leader.  We talked about how important it was to live right in order to set a good example for the younger people who are watching your life.  I said, "Think about how disappointed you are in these people.  Now you know what younger kids will feel should you ever make similar mistakes."  

We also talked about the fact that Jesus is the only one who will never disappoint us.  People are sinful and will always be prone to doing something that hurts us.  Only Jesus is perfect and therefore, will never hurt us.  So whether your kids were in to Michael Phelps, Chris Brown or Alex Rodriquez, use them as an opportunity to talk to them about being a leader and setting an example for others.  And don't forget to tell them Jesus is the only role model that will never disappoint.  Thanks for reading.

You Could Have Done Better

     This past Saturday I blew it as a dad.  My son had a basketball game and scored 20 points.  By most people's account he had a great game, but I'm one of those guys that is always looking at the other aspects of the game beyond scoring points.  In all honesty, he played a solid game all the way around.  But instead of encouraging him and giving him positive re-enforcement, I decided to talk to him about all the things he could have done better.  I also said, "Right now you are a little bigger than the other boys, but if you don't keep practicing, the other boys are going to pass you by.  You can't just rely on your natural talent, you have to practice."  After all my correction and "coaching," he started to cry because he didn't think I thought he played a good game.  Of course I felt bad and tried to convince him that he had played a good game, but the damage was done.  I apologized, but he was pretty hurt.

     Even though setting standards and reaching for goals is a good character quality to instill in your children, they more desperately need approval from dad.  Dad needs to not only "coach" but also cheerlead.  My personality naturally looks for ways things could be done better, so I have to fight to lighten up.  If you share my problem, take some time to evaluate how you have responded to your kids lately and see if you have been more critical or more encouraging.  The Bible says the only things that should come out of our mouths should be words that build up rather than tear people down.  How about you join me in applying that to our kids?