This past Saturday I blew it as a dad. My son had a basketball game and scored 20 points. By most people's account he had a great game, but I'm one of those guys that is always looking at the other aspects of the game beyond scoring points. In all honesty, he played a solid game all the way around. But instead of encouraging him and giving him positive re-enforcement, I decided to talk to him about all the things he could have done better. I also said, "Right now you are a little bigger than the other boys, but if you don't keep practicing, the other boys are going to pass you by. You can't just rely on your natural talent, you have to practice." After all my correction and "coaching," he started to cry because he didn't think I thought he played a good game. Of course I felt bad and tried to convince him that he had played a good game, but the damage was done. I apologized, but he was pretty hurt.
Even though setting standards and reaching for goals is a good character quality to instill in your children, they more desperately need approval from dad. Dad needs to not only "coach" but also cheerlead. My personality naturally looks for ways things could be done better, so I have to fight to lighten up. If you share my problem, take some time to evaluate how you have responded to your kids lately and see if you have been more critical or more encouraging. The Bible says the only things that should come out of our mouths should be words that build up rather than tear people down. How about you join me in applying that to our kids?
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